flscorpio73's Blog

Blaming guns for Colombine is like blaming spoons for Rosie O'Donnell being fat...

A Mexican woodpecker and a Canadian woodpecker were in Mexico arguing
about which place had the toughest trees. The Mexican woodpecker claimed
Mexico had a tree that no woodpecker could peck. The Canadian woodpecker
accepted his challenge and promptly pecked a hole in the tree with no problem.
The Mexican woodpecker was amazed.The Canadian woodpecker then challenged the
Mexican woodpecker to peck a tree in Canada that was absolutely 'im-peckable'
(a term woodpeckers like to use). The Mexican woodpecker expressed confidence
that he could do it and accepted the challenge.

The two flew to Canada where the Mexican woodpecker successfully pecked
the so-called 'im-peckable' tree almost without breaking a sweat.Both
woodpeckers were now terribly confused. How is it that the Canadian woodpecker
 was able to peck the Mexican tree, and the Mexican woodpecker was able to
peck the Canadian tree, yet neither was able to peck the tree in their own
country?After much woodpecker pondering, they both came to the same conclusion:
 Apparently, your pecker gets harder when you're away from home.

I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road
and slowly the other driver got out of his car.
You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things
just seem funny?
Yeah, well I couldn't believe it.... he was a DWARF!!!
He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, 'I AM NOT
HAPPY!!!'
So, I looked down at him and said, 'Well, then which one are you?'
...And that's how the fight started....

Handle every stressful situation like a dog..

If you can't eat it or hump it, piss on it and walk away

Some people are like Slinkies,                                                      
really good for nothing,                                                                
                                                                                                    
But they still bring a smile to your face when you push them down a flight of stairs...
 

 Light travels faster than sound.  This is why some people seem bright, until you hear them speak!

I am appalled at all my friends who are so opposed to the mosque near ground zero. To show our tolerance, we should let them build. Then right across the street, someone should put a topless bar, called “You Mecca Me Hot”. Next to that should be a gay bar, “The Turban Cowboy”. And next door to the mosque should be a pork rib restaurant, maybe “Iraq o’ Ribs”? Then the Muslims could be allowed to show their tolerance.
Problem solved.